Aitch-Bar

Writing About (Mostly) Not Astrophysics


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Pseudohistory Repeats Itself, Part 2

Face of a Robert E. Lee Statue being cut by a welding torch

What if the movie Face-off had been set during the 1860’s? I think it would have gone a little something like this. (Photo NYTimes)

The first half of this piece can be found at Pseudohistory Repeats Itself, Part 1, an extended fisking of is School Choice Is Not Enough: The Impact of Critical Social Justice Ideology in American Education by Zach Goldberg & Eric Kaufmann 


Guilt by Association

Over and over, Goldberg & Kaufmann (G&K) express concern about white kids who fear that they will be perceived as racist:

As a likely consequence of this fear, those exposed to CRT become less willing to criticize a black schoolmate, preventing black pupils from hearing useful feedback from classmates.

And,

[T]he teaching of CRT is likely to significantly impair the peer feedback process for black students, limiting potential opportunities for black students’ intellectual growth.

“Useful feedback” is the most euphemistic way of describing racially-motivated bullying I’ve ever heard.

They attempt to quantify this phenomenon by asking how comfortable someone feels criticizing their peers of different races. People reporting more exposure to teaching about racial injustice tend to be more concerned about criticizing students of color, whereas students of color feel more comfortable criticizing their white peers. The latter case is, presumably, the thing that really scares them. Especially scary since it appears to increase the more “CRT”  they report having been exposed to. Suddenly, instead of being “helpful feedback,” (like when Black kids are on the receiving end), for some reason, it is now described in grave-sounding tones. They don’t seem quite so worried that white kids will lose out on the benefits of this criticism.

Until, hilariously, G&K realize the implicit contradiction and make sure to wedge this sentiment into the very end of the section (in defiance of the article’s primary thrust about the dangers of CRT):  “[T]hese results would suggest that teaching more CRT is likely to benefit white students by introducing a greater willingness among pupils to criticize them while harming black students by withholding the criticism that might further their intellectual development.”

Saved it at the last minute!

Whites who say they were taught three or more CRT concepts were nearly 13 points more likely to say they would have been uncomfortable criticizing a black schoolmate compared to whites who were taught no CRT. Ironically, the effect of CRT is to discourage criticism that might help to improve the very minority outcomes that CRT claims to care about.

This is not, in fact, a thing “that CRT claims to care about.” Critical race theory seeks to explain broadly disparate life circumstances among racial groups. It is concerned with matters of wealth, power, and law. It spends considerably less time (in my understanding) on whether it would be helpful for Trevor to tell his classmate to consider whether all lives actually matter.

Yet, they cannot help themselves. They go further still: white kids should not be made to learn anything that causes them to have an emotional reaction.

We find that white respondents with higher CRT-related exposure feel more guilty about their race, experiencing negative sentiment toward their own group. Whereas 39% of whites who did not report any CRT-related classroom exposure indicated feeling “guilty about the social inequalities between white and black Americans,” this share rises to 45% among whites who reported being taught one or two CRT-related concepts, and to between 54% and 58% among whites who reported being taught three or more concepts. Here, we should also note that levels of agreement with this statement are considerably and significantly higher among white liberals (65%) than white conservatives (29%), which accords with the findings of past research.

No one alive currently should, in fact, feel shame or guilt about the past. We weren’t there. It wasn’t us. Even people whose direct ancestors did awful things are not, themselves, responsible for those acts. To live otherwise would be to inhabit a prison of unatonable regret.

This does not imply that downplaying the evils of history is necessary. Rather, the fact of our innocence and non-involvement is what allows us to deal honestly with those evils. Only someone who felt kinship with the past’s worst racists would feel a need to make justifications and excuses for them. Obfuscating the truth about historical actors aligns oneself with those whose reputation the lies burnish.

As far as the “guilt” described in that survey, the extent of distress it causes is unclear. It is possible, of course, to feel guilt within one context without it being an ever-present part of your day-to-day life. Someone can say they feel “guilt” over things which they understand not to be their own literal fault. I might say I feel “guilty” that I missed your birthday party because my flight was canceled. Or I might say that I feel “guilty” that I relished tearing apart your idiotic CRT push-poll faux research article. Of course, I would not feel true guilt in either of these cases. I would feel rhetorical guilt, rather than the emotion of guilt. It is even possible to recognize a certain level of group culpability, without feeling as if you have a personal relationship to it. Needless to say, the potential meanings of “guilt” used here are broad. And its negative effect on students is unspecified.

Good old-fashioned civic engagement

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Pseudohistory Repeats Itself, Part 1

Colored postcard showing Charlotteville's Robert E. Lee statue dedication in 1924

A product of concerted pro-Confederate ‘Lost Cause’ historical revisionism: Charlottesville’s 1924 dedication ceremony for one of history’s biggest losers, Robert E. Lee. Fewer tiki torches visible at this gathering than the one 93 years later, but they’re there in spirit.

The gilded pricks who populate think tanks will stake out a justification for whatever deranged policy ideas it is in their interest to. Having been inoculated against the Dunning-Kruger Effect by years of steady income telling rich people what they want to hear, they feel perfectly comfortable wading into any area and splashing their ignorance across any op-ed pages that will have them. They’re not writing for scholars, they’re writing to prop up profitable political interests by giving their desires a thin veneer of intellectual plausibility.

So ordinarily the faux “studies” cranked out by such groups are beneath consideration, but I ran across one by accident and found it so dense with bad reasoning, historical inaccuracy, and paranoia that it renewed my belief in whatever the opposite of the authors beliefs were. It was begging for someone to write a scornful blog post about. It’s shameful that politicians use articles like this as cover for hobbling education in red states, an effort which has kept pace with the radicalizing authoritarianism of the right.

After all, by receiving a PhD, I became duty-bound to defend the search for knowledge and the dissemination thereof. Under a moonless sky, I pledged a blood-oath to denounce really bad scholarship, contrived in service of illiberal ends, whenever and wherever it was reasonable for me to do so. As long as I felt like it.

I have fairly low respect for sociology as it is, but this motivated-reasoning sociology has got to be as bad as it gets.

School Choice Is Not Enough: The Impact of Critical Social Justice Ideology in American Education by Zach Goldberg & Eric Kaufmann 

 


Image

A primary inspiration for the desire to remake education in the graven image of right-wing hagiography can be found on the collapsing husk of twitter, where one of the authors shared a thread expounding on his belief that younger people are trending more Democratic than previous generations. They draw a straight line from this to modern schooling. This is the kind of view that everyone’s loud conservative uncle has, but Goldberg & Kaufmann (G&K) are determined to bring rigor to it!

He points to the eye-watering turn away from conservatism pictured in this graphic. Unlike previous generations, millennials aren’t voting for Republicans as much as they get older. Without bothering to compare this idea to any other theories, G&K declare that educational wokeness must be the reason. Surely, nothing else about politics or the world could be different than 30 years ago. It must be the kryptonite…of critical race theory…which is warping these children’s view of the world!

It should be fairly obvious that there might be a few flaws here.

It assumes that education itself is different enough than it used to be in the 1980s that it changes student’s thinking permanently, and indeed that schooling itself is a strong determinant of adult political views. (While most of us probably imagine ourselves coming to our beliefs about politics through a process of learning and reasoningresearch suggests that for most people, those things serve more as justification than inspiration.)

As for competing explanations for the difference among Millennials, a few alternatives spring immediately to mind. One would be that the generation currently settling into middle-adulthood has been denied the economic stability that usually ensconces people into the feeling that they have a stake in preserving the conservative status quo. Millennials are worse off in almost every economic sense: paid less, for longer hours, buried under student debt, unable to buy homes (which are, relative to income, about six times more expensive as they were 60 years ago). And all against a preposterous din of stultifying boomeristic obliviousness about the value of hard work. A situation of their own making, as champions of austerity.

Or what about the other ways in which unpopular conservative positions have come to affect younger people and new millennial parents? Abortion rights, climate change, LGBTQ rights, frequent school massacres. Or merely the fact that for the entirety of millennials’ political memory the GOP has been a ghoulish assemblage of hateful little weirdos.

 

Shout-out to Elliot Kalan

The authors don’t WANT to find out why people dislike their ideas, they want to turn them into dinosaurs

To even more directly contradict the hypothesis that Millenials’ reluctance to grow more conservative is due to education–the same trend is evident in the UK! This is a good control group. Our educational systems and history are markedly different, but Millenials in both countries are experiencing very similar economies.

For this reason, Kaufmann cropped this chart to avoid showing that the UK was on it, because it would undermine his point if a country with a different history, racial makeup, and educational system exhibited the same trends as us. But indeed, they don’t actually care about understanding this–they care about doing the thing they want to do anyway, which is to warp the history that students are taught in school in the vain hope that it will alter their thinking.

 


Professor Xavier’s School for Mutant Intellectuals

Conservatives of this ilk often begin by defining a constellation of ideas that make them uncomfortable and then giving them a scary name, to “other-ize” relatively well-accepted facts or reasoning. Fascist thought-leader Christopher Rufo, a successful practitioner of this technique, explained how he does it a couple years ago:

 

A Christian Chop Session on Critical Race Theory: Part 1 — Meditaciones Mixtas/ Mixed Meditations

Journalists covering the reactionary hysteria over CRT allowed this admission to slide. By the time this moral panic hit their radar in 2021, it had been all over conservative media for a while (building steam as backlash to 2020’s protests against racialized police violence) and they didn’t feel the need to interrogate its origins when they could simply write “both-sides” stories on it. Instead, these astroturfed campaigns have been treated as good-faith disagreements over how to teach subjects dealing with America’s past, rather than an overt attempt to channel white resentment. Fortunately for racists, there’s nothing remotely difficult about finding kooky-sounding lessons in a country of 350 million, and cherry-picking it for your racist audience to say “see!”

It also escaped the notice of much of the media that Rufo’s earlier career was in pushing creationism for the Discovery Institute–an earlier educational panic that had all the precursors to this one, but with less emotionally-fraught topic (and one which was easier to dismiss as a religious effort that had no place in secular science classes).

It should come as no surprise to see several of Rufo’s ideological collaborators linked to overt white supremacism recently: Nate Hochman, Richard Hanania, along with book-banning, Hitler-quoting, censorship front Moms for Liberty. One of the authors of this very “study” (Kaufman) was even in Hanania’s small think-tank, the Center for the Study of Partisanship and Ideology. And lest one assume that this was a large amorphous group, where he wasn’t close to the famous eugenicist, it was literally three people.

 


Survey Course

The thesis of this work is that if you are merely exposed to dreaded woke/CRT/social justice theories, even without agreeing, that you are more likely to end up voting for Democrats. What follows are then a series of questionnaire data that they attempt to mangle into this theme. If you don’t want to read an overlong explanation of their bullshit claims and the numerous ways they obfuscate, ignore important correlations, and generally exhibit a degree of carelessness and bias you would expect from a pseudo-academic article written to be printed out and waved around by red-faced Republican town council members–skip to the end.
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Max Planck & Having Only Bad Choices Under Fascism

If you were looking for a 32-minute video about the dilemmas that faced celebrated physicist Max Planck as the German science academe fell under the control of the Nazi party in the 1930’s, this is the one for you. Science historian Kathy Joseph expounds, rivetingly, on how Planck, a major leader in the development of quantum physics and beloved national figure, wrestled with how much public opposition he could wisely muster to the regime. Initially convinced that the buffoonish right-wingers who came to power in 1933 were a temporary blip, he did his best to preserve the continuity of the German physics community and protect Jewish scientists under his responsibility as president of the Kaiser Wilhelm Society (predecessor to the institution bearing his name). It is striking that while he miscalculated the course of the fascist movement in some ways, it seems unlikely that there is much he could have done differently to oppose their oppressive policies.


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Could We Not?

Benchy McBenchface

What could be more normal than three people sitting at perfectly-spaced distances from each other right here?

I live in the Boston suburbs. On a foggy walk home one morning, I wandered past this bus stop, noticed this bench, and felt disappointed in everyone involved in creating it.

Benches like this are subtle forms of “hostile architecture“—versions of public infrastructure that are designed to ward off use by the least fortunate in society. Spikes where someone might lie down for shelter, oddly angled seats that discourage getting comfortable, etc. These sorts of decisions are sometimes justified, in places with lots of foot traffic, or to prevent damage from, say skateboards. But more often then not, they’re used to prevent penniless people from sleeping somewhere sheltered or dry. Special constructions designed to ward off use by its user. They’re a way of looking at people who have absolutely nothing, nowhere to go, who are seeking an ounce of comfort from their surroundings, and denying it to them.

Inanimate objects themselves, most would say, are not inherently good or evil. Rather it’s how they’re used, and the intentionality behind their construction and placement that matters. That’s why there would be nothing hostile about anti-sleeping bench in a high-traffic place where there were people lingering or taking up too much space at once, or there was lots of other seating around. But place it somewhere that a desperate person might try to sleep inconspicuously, as a last resort, and it becomes cruel.

The area where I encountered this one isn’t really either of those things. It’s just sitting out on a wide street with no cover nearby, and no houses on that side. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen anyone waiting for a bus here. People take public transportation and there are plenty of pedestrians, but nobody’s lingering. There’s not even visible homelessness around that would prompt a reaction to install a specific anti-homeless-person bench.

Which means that the city either chose this model on purpose, or the bench company makes this kind by default and it’s cheaper. Either someone in city government chose to be cruel without even the excuse of plausibly being afraid of the homeless, or our civic life is so degraded and distrustful that bench manufacturers find it profitable to sell mass-produced hostile benches as the discount option.

I could check I suppose, but why bother? Which option would even be worse? [Note: I just thought about it for 5 sec and realized that the latter case would, because it would represent a more widespread issue.] Fortunately, the main victims of this particular bus stop are mopey citizens like me who find hostile benches depressing, as opposed to any actual hard-up person who needs a bench to sleep on. It’s mostly cruel in a theoretical sense. But just as a prevalence of umbrellas in the hands of Seattleites is a marker of their familiarity with rain, the normality of rude architecture marks a society’s callousness towards the destitute. It would be nice if things like this felt a little bit less normal.


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Kramschublade Clam Cram

Let's go get those deep clams

It’s time for a rustic assemblage of miscellany.

I wanted to use a clever name for a running series of miscellaneous hodgepodge so I thought “there’s probably some zany Germanic compound word for a collection of random artifacts. It’ll be a translation of a common thing that contains random items.” Well, as you may have guessed, it is kram schublade, literally, ‘stuff compartment’ in German. Despite the length and fun to say, it doesn’t appear to be a well-celebrated term. The Germans are very efficient when it comes to junk storage, one assumes, and people who store their junk this way are probably socially ostracized.

It seems like it’s supposed to be two words, really, but compound words are more fun. And now that summer is on the way and people are getting vaccinated, what better time to cram some clams? (Where by “clams” I mean “miscellaneous information,” that is.)


Ernst Thälmann Island

Bring me the head of Ernst Thälmann!

And speaking of German, East Germany! There is an oft-repeated geography curio that goes like this: a small uninhabited island off the coast of Cuba was ceded to East Germany back when there was an East Germany as a gift between allies. When East Germany ceased to exist, the reunification treaty didn’t specifically mention this island, so, by implication, the German Democratic Republic lives on there, a smoldering ember of a once mighty Eastern Bloc.

It’s an appealing sort of myth–that some geographic technicality undoes a basic fact about the world that most people think they know. In this case, the technicality itself isn’t true: the “gift” that Cuba made was only ever in spirit, never a formal thing. They just did a little renaming ceremony so that the diplomats could get a picture together for the newspaper. The Cubans renamed their uninhabited isle after Ernst Thälmann, a German communist who opposed (and was eventually murdered by) the Nazis, and “ceremonially” gave it to them and erected a bust of the man himself on the beach.

But it is worth observing that even if it were “true” it wouldn’t really be. Things like the existence or non-existence of countries isn’t based on deciphering obscure bits of information, they’re based on mutual understanding, which is sort of the opposite. Unlike a question like “how many atoms make up the moon?” which has a precise, real answer, there is no cosmic ledger that says which countries exist and which don’t. They’re based on whether you can get a sufficient number of people to treat them as valid, so even if the architects of German reunification had forgotten about this windswept isle, it wouldn’t mean anything, and the Stasi wouldn’t get to start prowling around the Caribbean, wiretapping coconuts and whatnot.


Cash rules everything around me. [Ed: this graph is technically extrapolated from low-wage worker statistics specific to several urban localities, but proportions ought to be broadly true.]

Wage theft is the most common form of stealing in the US. That is, companies underpaying workers what they are owed. And because of the obvious difficulty in bringing legal challenges against an employer, nearly impossible to redress.

An Epidemic of Wage Theft Is Costing Workers Hundreds of Millions of Dollars a Year


Human-Made Stuff Now Outweighs All Life on Earth — Scientific American

Change in estimated human-made mass versus living biomass from 1900 to 2025

Credit: Amanda Montañez; Source: “Global Human-Made Mass Exceeds All Living Biomass,” by Emily Elhacham et al., in Nature. Published online December 9, 2020

The implications of these findings, published on Wednesday in Nature, are staggering. The world’s plastics alone now weigh twice as much as the planet’s marine and terrestrial animals. Buildings and infrastructure outweigh trees and shrubs. “We cannot hide behind the feeling that we’re just a small species, one out of many,” says study co-author Ron Milo, who researches plant and environmental sciences at the Weizmann Institute of Science in Israel. […]

He and his team had previously published an estimate of the amount of biomass on Earth, which led to the question of how it compared with the mass of artificial objects. Emily Elhacham, then a graduate student at the Weizmann Institute, led the effort to pull together disparate data sets on the flow of materials around the world. The researchers found that human-made, or anthropogenic, mass has doubled every 20 years since 1900. Total biomass remained more stable in that time period, though plant biomass has declined by approximately half since the dawn of agriculture some 12,000 years ago. The team estimates that anthropogenic mass crossed over to exceed biomass this year, plus or minus six years. […]

Whatever the moment when humanity’s production eclipsed nature’s, the study points to a larger narrative in which humans are modifying the planet to such an extent that we have created a new geologic epoch called the Anthropocene, says Waters, who has been active in research seeking out geologic markers of this proposed division of time.


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On the Almost Textbook-Level Simplicity of This Week’s Events

The logical eventuality of electing the world’s stupidest authoritarian

Usually when trying to understand politics, we all grasp for historical precedents or analogies to situations that the founders envisioned. Most political commentary consists of those kinds of warring analogies, like “during the pandemic of 1918 city governments in San Francisco did X, while St Louis did Y” or “the writers of the Constitution wrote the Second Amendment to reserve militia powers to the states, which they believed were…” And a lot of the disagreement between different camps comes from various ways of interpreting the will of the people from the revolutionary era who envisioned how the government ought to do things.

Probably the largest gap in our understanding of how the government ought to work is due to the fact that the Constitution makes no references at all to political parties. This seems to have been the most significant oversight of the founders, who imagined that the three branches of government would be competing with one another, rather than cooperating across them based on factional affiliation to parties. That tension has been increasingly obscured over time despite the founders’ interest in preventing “factionalism.”

That obscurity has caused some number of people to miss an important bit of context in interpretations of last Wednesday’s events: that this scenario was exactly kind of thing that the framers of the constitution spent a lot of time thinking about. In fact, it was pretty much the most obvious political crime.

The president incited a mob to attack the congress during a transition of power. Strip away the particularities of our current age, the party affiliations of the various actors, the more recent historical examples of right-wing authoritarianism which this act was an outgrowth of, and the specific vectors which carried the false narratives that precipitated it. (Violent authoritarianism is almost always based on fraudulent beliefs.)

“What if the president doesn’t like something that congress is doing, and he sends the military to arrest all of them? Or he ignores the laws they pass over his veto? Or he whips up a mob to invade the capitol?” These are the kinds of questions we all game out when learning about the U.S. Constitution in middle-school history. It’s something that lots of people have thought about! Including, importantly, the very people who came up with the idea that there should be such a thing as a president and a legislature, and who enumerated the powers they ought to be granted to deal with one another. Unlike most of the political questions people debate, we don’t need to imagine what the founders would have thought about this—they spent ample time explaining their thinking about lawless rulers and the ability of government to constrain in situations exactly like this!

This is going to be the thing that schoolchildren learn about Donald Trump in 2076. That he lost re-election and then attempted to remain in power using every possible bullshit recourse. Because it is such a clear object lesson on how the various parts of the federal government and political representation as delegated to the states are all designed to interact as to make a perfect writing prompt for kids writing papers in class. They will be given essay assignments on how these events were a violation of the separation of powers, and be able to easily cite the steadily escalating constitutional abuses in the years running up to Wednesday’s debacle. Depending on the way the next 11 or so days play out, the extremely straightforward way in which he tried and failed to do this ought to clarify and distill all of his other actions over the past five years. We’ve been the frog in the pot as it heats up, getting acclimated to each transgression as it passes without consequence, waiting for the bubbles to start frothing over. (Or at least those of us without the wherewithal to look over the edge of the pot at any point and notice the burner.)

The specific lies which have facilitated this attempted power grab are so comically bogus and premeditated as to be unworthy of taking seriously, and have been roundly discredited by anyone even remotely tethered to reality at this point. Some people, by wandering into that mire and looking around, have gotten a bit hung up on the specifics of that alternate reality universe, missing the important consideration that any fascist uprising would, of necessity, be marinated in a sauce of dishonesty. It is always thus with demagogues, and it is indeed important not to ignore the chain of custody tying it to traits of right-wing thinking that led inevitably to this. The right is always a force for authoritarianism and enemies of a free and just society.

Yet that should not completely overshadow the fact that Trump sicced his bloodthirsty deplorables on Republicans as well as Democrats. People in the crowd were most eager to hang the Vice-President (working in his capacity as president of the Senate) and the Republican legislators whom they saw as obstacles to the executive seizing power. They ran roughshod over the seat of government, roaming around the corridors with zip ties to kidnap lawmakers and vandalizing their chambers. It’s a textbook definition of the kind of mob chaos that Madison et al imagined a president would attempt if the other branches were not given the ability to retaliate. Any senator or representative who doesn’t currently understand that they were attacked in their capacity as a legislator rather than as a member of a party “faction” right now needs a wake up call stronger than their own attempted murder, apparently. (The Republicans who voted to sustain objections to the electoral college votes after the incident belong in this category).

Such congresspeople may also apparently need to be reminded that failing to punish not only the president, but also the members of their own ranks who abetted this attack on representative democracy, will invite future attempts, and weaken the United States as a concept.

While I was watching the crisis unfold on Wednesday and seeing the flood of images that emerged afterwards (many gleefully filmed by the perpetrators themselves, who chose this particular moment to not wear masks in a turn of self-incriminating thinking that would be hilarious if it weren’t packaged with an adjacent cruelty towards others that is a hallmark of the year of Covid), I found myself becoming genuinely angry in a way I didn’t expect. I’m usually pretty above it, when it comes to sanctimonious outrage at offensive acts towards patriotic symbols, but as an American, it was infuriating to watch it all come to this in a way that I had cynically believed myself unable to feel at this point. Of all the disgraceful behavior of the right in our recent time period: suppressing votes, stealing a Supreme Court seat, extorting our foreign allies for domestic political advantage, stalling assistance to the country as it suffers through a health crisis, corrupting the justice system, and cheering on basically every variety of brutality towards Black people or immigrants—this was so obviously seditious that anyone who wasn’t shocked by it can safely be written off as unshockable. Anyone with a modicum of affection for this country (or at least good neo-classical architecture) was revolted.

Though this travesty was in some ways the least consequential of the events of the past year for the actual lives of people living in the United States, it was the most forthrightly symbolic of the right’s utter disregard for our shared civic spirit. If this isn’t enough for the people who preen and pose as if they honor our national values to realize that the forces they’ve been stoking are vile and un-American, what else possibly could be? It isn’t like the founders didn’t try to warn them about this guy.


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Trump Showed Us How Much We Love The Law

As the sand runs out of the quadrennial hourglass, and the administration of our nation’s foremost very stable genius prepares to drunkenly lie down in a snow bank and go to sleep forever, it seems a natural time to pause for reflection on the many lessons that he has taught us.

Donald Trump’s presidency has truly shown that more than anything, America is a nation of laws.

It must surprise you that I am suggesting this. That is because you sense about me that you be would annoyed about how much I disliked him if you didn’t dislike him also. People around my age who wear medium-fashionable eyeglasses have predictable political views, and those views are never that the 45th president is paragon of lawfulness and virtue.

You can relax and rest assured that, predictably, I am asserting no such thing. I am not proposing that Donald Trump himself has been respecting the law, but rather that the fact of his presidency demonstrates how much we respect it. This is because any country that would allow him to become and act as our president must be full of people who respect the law so deeply that they would all be forced to agree with one another that he had technically fulfilled the legal requirements to do so, and that we therefore had to let him. He certainly shouldn’t have been able to, and we have since produced hundreds of overlapping theories as to why he did; and yet it was impossible to show that he hadn’t. Only in a country that truly loved following the law could such a thing happen, despite it going so definitively against everyone’s better judgement.

Let’s cast our minds back to 2015 when this all started. And remember how preposterous the idea initially seemed that someone that narcissistic and oafish would ever be allowed to hold power. How completely obvious to everyone across the width and breadth of the political spectrum, and indeed all of American society, that he lacked the wherewithal and emotional maturity to manage an after-work softball team, much less the apparatus of the executive branch. To get to a place where he ended up actually ended up executing the office of president of the United States required a lot of people following a lot of laws.

As the whole dreadful process wound its way through our history, from the first clerk in a state election office building squinting at a submitted form that someone had really written “Donald J. Trump” on, to the person shrugging and turning on the machine that prints lawn signs, to the Secret Service lady driving one of those decoy SUVs in the motorcade on the way to the inauguration, some part of everyone involved was thinking– we all know that this is a joke person and we shouldn’t be allowing this but there are laws and we’ve all got to follow them no matter how weird the result of doing that is.

Even now, in the junky caboose of this Snowpiercer-esque presidency, people have had to dress up and go to work in courthouses to rifle through legal briefs full of misspellings and dream logic about voter fraud and pretend to take their arguments seriously. As we do these things, a part of us knows how ridiculous it all is, and yet we must, because the law compels us. We are Americans, and if there is one thing that we love more than anything, it is laws, and the following of those laws.

Back in those waning days of 2016, as we grappled with how following our laws about democracy had forced us to acknowledge that the person who had gotten fewer votes in the election had ‘won’ in a odd, technical, but extremely legal manner, many assumed that doing all this had probably gone against his own better judgement as well. That he’d just been doing it for attention but that the whole thing had gotten out of hand and he wasn’t really expecting to win, just shout a lot and rile people up and then get to have some TV show or something. As we prepared ourselves for what we accurately assumed would be a four-year psychological assault, somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind, he was no doubt dimly aware that his irrepressible zest for scamming his way through life was about to collide with a governmental power to do so, inevitably leading towards some kind of downfall. He might have even imagined a future time when he was on the verge of becoming powerless, with about 51% of the country calling for him to be drawn and quartered, with dozens of crimes waiting to spring out and yell “surprise!” when Joe Biden walks through the door on January 20th and turns on the lights.

And the reason that he was dreading that day? Because he knew how much we love following the law.


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The Opposite of a Humblebrag

 

It wasn't a good episode anyway

Evidence of perhaps the least consequential Republican crime of the last 20 years.

When I was in college at Dartmouth, one of the worst people in my extended social group was a skinny super-buttoned up college Republican type. A friend of some friends. Most of us were not very interested in politics, but it was the post-9/11 early Bush years and a higher than normal amount of them were from conservative parts of the country or otherwise sympathetic to that kind of jingoistic nonsense. This kid, Michael Ellis, hung around at the Dartmouth Review, the vile right-wing campus rag obsessed with clinging to the racist Indian mascot that the college had jettisoned years ago. (When I was there, they also spread misinformation about students registering to vote in NH losing their financial aid somehow, so as to tamp down on us poors voting in a swing state.) He also took part of a year off to work for Karl Rove in Bush’s 2004 re-election. I remember having lunch with him once where people pelted him with “you know those guys are evil right?” sort of questions, and he kept smirkily giving them “I do, but we’re getting away with it” responses. Another time, he got extremely drunk on scotch and blathered at everyone about how much he loved Richard Nixon for some goddamn reason. He sucked. Supposedly, his parents were quite liberal so he had gone full-Goebbels to anger them.

Once, fatefully, I mentioned to him that there was an episode of Monty Python with his name, “Michael Ellis” in the last season of that show. It’s a bad episode from the end-run of Flying Circus after John Cleese left, but I had the whole series on DVD. It was the extravagant thing I bought myself after a summer working for minimum wage as a dishwasher in high school. It came in a beautiful multi-colored set of 14 DVDs and cost about $150, which was a fortune for me at the time. He asked to borrow the DVD of his episode, as he’d never seen it, and I lent it to him. After it took him a very long time to return the disk, I managed to run into him and ask for it back, or at least money to replace it, and he tried to blow me off. He claimed that I should have asked for it back sooner, as if it was my fault that he’d just kept it.

Since I hated him, I didn’t bother keeping in touch after college. But I was aware that he was in Washington being a lawyer or something, which sounded about right for the kind of dickhead who steals your Monty Python DVD and then tries to blame you for it. I doubt I’ve thought about him for years. He’s been off doing his stuff (law?) and I’ve been doing mine (astronomy, technology, not being an ethical monstrosity). Cut to this morning, where I read that he is one of the Trump administration flunkies that they are trying to “burrow” into government prior to their eviction. Quoth CNN: “Michael Ellis, an official on the National Security Council, shifted over to the National Security Agency as legal counsel, which takes him out of a political appointee role at the White House and into a civil servant position, two sources confirmed to CNN. This makes Ellis harder to fire once the Biden administration comes in.”

Not only that, but he was also “in the room when Alexander Vindman reported his concerns about Trump’s 2019 call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky” and was apparently one of the people, if not the person who decided to cover it up by moving it to a secure server—a key reason for Trump’s impeachment.

Hopefully, he’ll be ousted from whatever utility closet they try to hide him in when the Biden administration does a sweep of these kind of amoral stooges. People sometimes tell themselves that Republicans under Trump were something different and worse than in previous times, but it isn’t so. These kind of sneering, power-grabbing, un-American shitheads were like this as college freshmen. It is fundamentally who they are as people, and indeed it is why they are Republicans. The Bush administration was just as unethical at every layer of government, stacked with the same kind of well-dressed liars and thieves, using their gilded qualifications as a distraction from their utter moral depravity. The next (Republican) one will be too, unless they’re hounded out of public life, as they deserve to be. If we’re lucky, prosecutors will find the backbone to bring charges against the mid-level thugs known to have committed crimes over the past four years; and for people in the grey area, legally-speaking, efforts like The Trump Accountability Project are a worthy start at alienating them from polite society.

We sometimes talk about the people at this level of government as if they’re automatons, or hear about how they have friends who like them outside of politics, or pretend that you can separate out the work part of their life from the social parts as if they aren’t connected. Well, I barely knew this guy, in college, when everyone is supposed to have been at their most fun and carefree, and he was brazenly shitty about petty stuff back then! You can draw a straight line from covering up stealing my Monty Python disk to covering up the Ukraine extortion, it’s really just a matter of scale. He probably recalled his college experiences to draw up legal memos that justify seizing blankets from caged refugee children if they didn’t ask for them back soon enough or something.

I couldn’t remember whether I’d replaced my DVD. As I said, it’s from late in the show and I doubt I’d watched it more than once. So I checked. It’s still missing. Because of course it is.